Something About Relationships...

"There's one sad truth in life I've found; While journeying east and west - The only folks we

really wound; Are those we love the best. We flatter those we scarcely know, We please the fleeting guest, And deal full many a thoughtless blow, To those who love us best".

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

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Most of us seem to have problems in our relationships. The dilemma may range from those involving family members, coworkers, friends, spouses and others. Daughters fail to understand their mothers and sons never getting to know their fathers well enough. And single parents have hard times trying to relate to their kids.

Couples seem to disagree on many issues and take each other for granted. Single women and men face problems finding the right partners. For a relationship to develop and grow you need to give it attention. One of our human needs is to connect and relate with others. It can be emotional, social or intellectual. Much joy comes from the bonds you develop with others. Your judgments about others and yourself could be the reason behind your ineffectiveness to relate. You remember past hurts. You make comparisons. You carry a tremendous burden of guilt from past mistakes and selected memories. Intimate relationships can fail because of jealousy. Low self-esteem or the feeling of unworthiness is the main cause. It also happens when there is no trust in a relationship. The dire and constant need for approval can also ruin it.

Your problem is in your attitude. Trying to shape people to fit your needs will distance them from you. You want your children to grow and meet your standards. You demand gratitude and obedience. You create suffocation. This will result in a rebellious attitude and breakdown in communication. You could have gone through child abuse and are

unconsciously doing to your kids what was done to you.

You want your employees to work the way you do. When your standards are not met, you create work stress among them without considering the emotional abuse involved.

You expect your partner to think and feel the same way you do. In failing to do so, you get outraged and hurl verbal abuse. If you are unable to control it, you may strike and cause physical abuse. If you were to look back you will realize that it does not work in trying to change the people around you. You are annoying them with your demands. It is better to put your energy on your personal growth. One place to begin with is to look within. You can then begin to understand your thoughts and feelings, your values and motives and your roles.

You can never like or love others more than you like or love yourself. The better you understand yourself the better you relate to others. Every one of us has separate identities and values. You must identify your values. Values are anything you think is important. When you begin to realize that your relationship is important you will re-focus before you drift into an argument or get int

o a rage. Break up, separation and divorce will not happen if there is mutual understanding. Stopping your anger will not make you wrong and the person right.

When a relationship deteriorates you may only see that the other person needs to change.

You refuse to acknowledge that you are the one who must make the change.

You are in your own world most of the time and thinking about your own problems.

You react without concern on the consequences of your actions. And you justify your actions by blaming others.

You play games with people to avoid future hurts. You imply threats. You make demands.

Sometimes you even hold on to a troubled marriage because you want to protect yourself and preserve what you have.

You could be suffering from an abusive relationship right now. And you justify by saying that this is what you deserve.

Finally you may only let go of the dysfunctional relationship when the pain of staying becomes greater than letting it go. Letting go gives you personal space in your life. And you will be able to create something new. A time for you to rejuvenate. You have to improve your ability to communicate. You should not be doing mind reading or expect people to read your mind. Stop hinting and making people try to figure out what you are trying to convey. Clamming up and giving the silent treatment put your relationship into a deep freeze. Learn to ask for what you want. Learn to listen to what others have to say. Exchange understandings, excitement and insights to improve your interaction. Another way is to remind yourself not to be bothered with what others have to say. Why should you waste negative emotional energy on feeling bad? Some people criticize or make insulting remarks to boost their own ego. Realize that they are reflecting what's going on inside them.
You do not have any control over what another person say. You can choose to avoid the adverse effect. You can interpret it any way you choose. You can be selective with your association with others. The people you allow in your life affect you. Negative people can bring unhappiness in your life. Sometimes you can't avoid or get away from them. Getting along with them is the next best thing to do in order to avoid hostility.

Why don't you...

• Avoid being vain. Instead make someone feel important by giving them attention.
• Judge less and find something to love in every person.
• Lead by building a support system where you can give inspiration, dedication and aspiration.
• Hug your love ones more often and look into their eyes more deeply.
• Help a friend to get her life to work better. True friendship is expressed by providing warmth, understanding and support.
• Share your most secret thoughts with the one you love. Keep your romance alive
• Show courtesy. Help people in caring ways. Reach out and express your kindness through simple selfless acts, gestures, and words.

Stop boasting. People are more interested to know how much you care than listening to your bragging.